Conferences

We had parent teacher conferences on Thursday before we drove up to the snow.  These are usually pretty uneventful and this time wasn't really an exception.  Here is what we "learned".

Elizabeth is the model student, helpful, striving to do her best, reading above grade level and struggling a tad bit, but not much in math. She needs help with spelling but even that has improved.  Her teacher asked if there was anything going on with her because she is recently very serious and seemingly sad. She shuts down when she doesn't understand things or just randomly and has a very hard time coming out of it. Yup. That's Elizabeth.

Miranda is dong very well in reading. Reading above grade level now and is well liked by others. She too is struggling a bit with math, but not much and her teacher thinks she'll figure out it out soon.  She did say she has trouble focusing and gets easily distracted.  She takes a long time to complete her work and doesn't seem to have any time management skills, sometimes needing twice or three times as long to finish tasks than everyone else.  She asked our opinion about getting her a timer. We told her the disastrous consequences timing her usually has but told her she could try it.  Michael and I both noted that with one exception (the math part) you could have exchanged her name with Parker's for this conference.

Parker's teacher had very nice things to say about him about academics of course and noted that he "Needs Support" in following basic instructions and staying on task which we already knew.   His spaciness has increased lately and he isn't able to do follow basic and routine instructions.  His teacher also said that she feels bad for him because she thinks he thinks he has to be the best at everything and that this is possibly making him anxious or stressed.  Although always a finger and clothing sucker, this has gone to new heights in the last few months and he is literally eating the sleeves of his jackets. No amount of rewards or punishment has made any difference and he can't stop himself. The teacher sees this (as we all do).  (I actually recently got him a necklace that he can suck on from an autism website. It's called a "teen teething ring" and so far, it's been accomplishing it's purpose. But we didn't take it on our ski trip and he ate through his gloves.)  We told the teachers that we've never told Parker he had to be the best or smartest and Parker seems to be aware that others are better than him at lots of things. From his sisters to classmates to friends, he knows that everyone has their strengths.  The teacher was quick to say she wasn't blaming us, but that she really things he thinks he has to be the best. She told a story about how they were talking about "smart water" and were discussing whether it made you more smart or less smart, so the kids all said, "give it to Parker, he's the smartest" and this made the teacher sad for him. That he has to live up to this label.  I didn't handle the whole conversation well and started tearing up. Which made the teacher and his math teacher (who was there) tear up.   They agreed to reduce his additional math work in the hopes that he could be more "normal" and like the other kids and said they would help in any other way that they could. Michael and I are not fans of his teacher, but I think when she saw me cry, she saw me as a human and mom rather than the critical bitch that I usually am with her.

At home, Michael and I discussed possible ways to help him be less stressed (if in fact he is.)  The only two things I think we could be "doing wrong" are letting him do too many sports or letting him play too much minecraft.  We discussed making him stop basketball, but didn't make any decisions yet.

I'm not a fan of conferences and I'm glad I don't have to do another one until November.