It starts early.
The parade at the kids school was yesterday. I picked up the girls, took them home for lunch, got them dressed and made up and then went back to school to get Parker ready. He needed a little help with his costume. When we arrived, he was still in recess. I immediately noticed all his friends were playing football, but Parker was not there. Then I saw him sitting by himself. Then I noticed he was crying. A teacher/yard duty walked over and started to talk to him. I hurried over. When I got there I asked what happened. He said, Jack ZN excluded him from football and that made him sad. He was still crying. I sat with him a bit and another teacher came over to say that wasn't ok and he would be talking to Jack ZN. When Parker had calmed down a bit I asked how he was excluded and he said that Jack ZN had said, "You can't play football, Parker!" which seems pretty clear to me. Parker added that it wasn't ok to exclude kids.
It was heart breaking. Since we've realized Parker was different, I've strived to ensure he had playdates, did social things, went to parties, and joined teams. I never quizzed him on math or made him do lots of reading. I only focused on sports and social stuff. So to see him crying because another kid wouldn't let him play just killed me. Especially a kids that Parker thought was his friend and who Parker seems to idolize.
Back at home, I had a talk with him about what a friend means and how friends don't exclude you and how sometimes you think people are your friends, but maybe they are not. Then I asked him about other kids he liked in class and maybe that he could play with at recess. He said that Jack ZN always played the games he wanted to play. I suggested that if he was playing wall ball, Parker could play tether ball. Parker just seemed sad about all of it and didn't understand why he wouldn't want to play with him.
I told Michael about all of it and he had a slightly different reaction which was to want to tell Parker about how he needs to stand up for himself and not let kids push him around. To tell Jack ZN, "I wanna play football and you can't stop me." He hasn't had that talk yet, but I don't get the feeling Parker will be that kind of kid.
I'm still sad about it and besides setting up playdates with other kids so Parker can see he is well-liked, I'm just not sure what to do.
1 comment:
Aw, I'm sorry Rachel. It's no fun to see your kid get excluded by other kids. There are definitely "cool kids" at PJ's school who seem to control the social scene, even in first grade. I don't have any advice for you but don't feel like this is anything you (or Parker) can control in this other kid. Yes, he needs to learn to be inclusive and not mean, but instead of spending a lot of time being mad at him think about what Parker CAN do that's special and unique. Even if it's math. Hugs to you guys.
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