New Years Resolutions

I'm not one for new years resolutions. They seem trite and unattainable. I can't remember one that I've made that I've kept.

Until now. This is the year I am going to stop biting my nails. Biting my nails is one of the only bad habits I have. Sometimes I wished I smoked or drank or picked my face (I used to do that) so that I would have long, lovely nails. But...for as long as I can remember, I've bitten my nails. I've tried to stop a few times over the last 30 years, but I have not been successful.

For one year, though, I didn't bite them. From the day Parker was born until I got pregnant with the girls, I didn't bite my nails. I didn't try to not bite them. I just didn't bite them and didn't even notice for a month or so when they started to get long. It was a glorious time but it ended as suddenly as it started.

And really, if I'm being truthful, I don't even care that I bite my nails. I mean, really, it is better than smoking or drinking, right?

But...the kids are all now biting my nails. Parker is the worst, with his hands in his mouth all the time. Elizabeth is bad too, selectively gnawing on several fingers until they bleed or have horrific hang nails. Miranda isn't too bad, but is known to focus on a finger or two from time to time.

Elizabeth and I have been trying to help each other stop by saying "Hands out of your mouth, Mommy!" or "Hands out of your mouth, Elizabeth" but it hasn't worked and it sure is annoying to have your 4 year old shout across a large room, "Hands out of your mouth Mommy!"

Since I have no one to blame (not Michael or Amy this time) but myself, and I can't really make them stop if I keep doing it, I'm going to quit. Today I went out to buy that gross tasting bitter stuff you put on your nails. I put it on and so far, I'm 5 hours sober. No biting or chewing or picking. Granted I was eating popcorn during 2 of those hours, but I'm still counting it and considering it a successful start.

When I have nails that are worthy of a manicure, I'll start on the kids, painting their nails bitter daily until they too stop. This will free them up to have a life filled with tobacco and alcohol and I'll know I did my job well.